In a surprising turn the WBC has taken the day off from protesting soldier and celebrity funerals to protest… trees?
Shirley Phelps-Roper tweeted this morning
Was this the only reason for the protest? Because the Earth draws attention away from God? In a statement on their website we learned more, WBC is also protesting trees because they are used to ‘print queer propaganda’ and ‘abortion pamphlets’. ‘Trees are being twisted for the work of a fag-loving nation and God laughs every time a tree is cut down,’ they claimed.
The Westboro Baptist Church began the day by cutting down a neighborhood tree and taking turns spitting on it while they all sang hymns. They then went to a local park where they shouted at various trees and paraded around with colorful signs, made of paper and wooden handles. They then broke for lunch; a lovely picnic of egg salad sandwiches and pickled radishes under the shade of one of the trees they had just ridiculed. What the rest of the day holds for them has yet to be seen, but we’re sure it will be just as stupid.
Editor’s note: The Monthly Spew does not endorse or condone Westboro Baptist Church’s actions or viewpoints
UPDATE: Later that afternoon the WBC played with a wooden frisbee. ‘We don’t believe in plastics, plastics are made out of dead dinosaurs, which are a hoax,’ they told us. ‘In fact, we’ve got plans for plastics later today.’
After frisbee the WBC sprayed hairspray in the air, and drank soda out of a styrofoam cooler. They threw the aluminum cans on the ground and the cooler and plastic six pack holders in a nearby pond. ‘Death to the false idol, Earth!’ they shouted, as they discharged CO2 fire extinguishers directly upwards, into the atmosphere.
Later, as it got dark, they created a bonfire, throwing in anything plastic. ‘We believe that all petroleum goods are part of the liberal agenda about evolution,’ one follower told us. 3 churchmembers were hospitalized from inhaling the toxic fumes while chanting.
When not writing satire for The Spew, Josh runs his travelog at joshxhenderson.com