WASHINGTON, DC — In what has struck many observers as a surprise move, the GOP-controlled House of Representatives has passed legislation declaring that Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton is an “Enemy of the State”. The legislation was pushed through late last night and was sponsored by Representative Aaron Sklor (R – TN). “We did not take this measure lightly,” the Congressman said after the vote. “But in the wake of Benghazi and the e-mail server we knew we had to do something to reign her in. What really tipped it over for most of our caucus though was the Chipotle thing. Getting a bowl at Chipotle? That’s not the kind of thing real Americans due and it puts the jobs of thousands of tortilla makers in jeopardy.”
Perhaps even more surprising, the legislation garnered 72 votes from the Democratic caucus, including Rep. Justin Nguyen (D – MT). “Well we were confused. See, the bill was originally a condemnation of President Assad.” President Bashar Al-Assad is the current ruler of war-torn Syria. TMS felt the need to clarify that because the Syrian civil war is now several years old and we doubt anyone remembers it. “And then in a last-minute amendment, they added this thing about Secretary of State Clinton. I guess we probably should have read the amendment but the Republicans promised us that it wasn’t worth our time. Oh well, what can you do?” Rep. Nguyen ended his statement with a shrug before informing reporters that he had a 1:00 PM tee time with one of his campaign donors and would have to close his office early for the rest of the week.
Secretary of State and Presidential candidate Clinton could not be reached for comment by the time this article went to press.