A body turned up in the river yesterday afternoon. Once the cadaver was removed and given an autopsy it was determined that the body was that of a middle aged man who had died from a fall of great distance. Once the authorities had identified the man they searched his residence for clues. What they found was distressing.
The man’s identity is being withheld until all remaining family members have been notified. Below is a portion of the disturbing suicide note found by authorities. The man’s immediate family agreed to have it printed in hopes of preventing other similar deaths.
Read at your own discretion.
‘… and I can’t get any work done at my job. [They] are ready to fire me. Between my email, vendor sites and inter-company sites I have 9-14 passwords I have to remember on any given day. And every site has different guideslines; must use a capital letter, must use a number, can’t use special characters, MUST use special characters, must contain 3-12 letters from the Greek alphabet… where does it end? And every other day I have to change passwords on one of the sites, and I can’t use a password I’ve used previously.
I know online security is important, I understand that. But I seriously spend half of my work day trying to remember my passwords. And I can’t get new passwords emailed to me because I forgot my email password 4 months ago. I’m on my last straw at work. I can’t carry on like this. I must leave this Earth with one last shred of dignity.’
It is speculated that he then jumped off the 12th street bridge to end his suffering. His car was found parked within walking distance from the bridge. No foul play is suspected.
A team of lawyers representing his survivors are filing a class action law suit against Outlook and several other websites for the ridiculousness of their password requirements. If you or someone you know has suffered depression, loss of employee or death from unorthodox or otherwise impractical password requirement you can join the lawsuit by visiting this link.
When not writing satire for The Spew, Josh runs his travelog at joshxhenderson.com