New Study: Beardless People Have Poop INSIDE Their Heads!

As a man known for being bearded, I have seen plenty on the report that ‘beards contain poop’, as I’m sure you have.  So I decided to do a study of my own, ON THE BEARDLESS FREAKS WHO THINK I HAVE POOPBEARD.

I swabbed the ears of 10 beardless humans; women, children & emasculated men.  Most had either clean ears or maybe a small amount of normal yellow earwax.  But one out of the ten, that one had BROWN EARWAX.

So I asked Dave Muffin, an elementary science teacher, ‘What exactly is IN brown earwax?’  He told me, ‘I don’t know.  Could be any number of things.  I’m just a elementary science teacher.’  ‘But isn’t brown the color of POOP?!?!?!’  I asked. ‘Well, yeah, technically.  But that doesn’t necess…’ Dave trailed off and I quit listening.

So there you have it.  Solid proof that ALL beardless people have POOP INSIDE their heads!

When not writing satire for The Spew, Josh runs his travelog at



3 thoughts on “New Study: Beardless People Have Poop INSIDE Their Heads!

  1. 1st of all inside your ear is not inside your head, common sense will tell you that ? Men ? If that were so then, your brains could leak out of your ears, right ? Honestly, you guys have no anatomy in school ???? There is no going thru to the inside of your head from your ears !!!!!!!!!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sure there is. You just have to puncture some eardrums and such. Your auditory canal definitely goes inside of your “head” even if not into your brainpan. I think you are trying to force a definition of “head” on us that we are not using. Brain and Head are not synonymous. For instance, my nasal passages are inside my head. My mouth is inside of my head. None of these are inside my brainpan however.

      Liked by 1 person

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