As a man known for being bearded, I have seen plenty on the report that ‘beards contain poop’, as I’m sure you have. So I decided to do a study of my own, ON THE BEARDLESS FREAKS WHO THINK I HAVE POOPBEARD.
I swabbed the ears of 10 beardless humans; women, children & emasculated men. Most had either clean ears or maybe a small amount of normal yellow earwax. But one out of the ten, that one had BROWN EARWAX.
So I asked Dave Muffin, an elementary science teacher, ‘What exactly is IN brown earwax?’ He told me, ‘I don’t know. Could be any number of things. I’m just a elementary science teacher.’ ‘But isn’t brown the color of POOP?!?!?!’ I asked. ‘Well, yeah, technically. But that doesn’t necess…’ Dave trailed off and I quit listening.
So there you have it. Solid proof that ALL beardless people have POOP INSIDE their heads!
When not writing satire for The Spew, Josh runs his travelog at joshxhenderson.com