An Introvert’s Guide to Social Interaction

If you’re an introvert like me you probably understand how burdensome interacting with other people can be. If you’re not an introvert, you probably don’t understand and think that we’re all jerks. Let me explain to the rest of the world so they can understand: you are burdensome to interact with.

It’s not really anything they do, it’s just the way introverts are wired. We need time alone to recharge our emotional energy, unlike extroverts who recharge by social interaction. Now, no one is 100% one or the other; it’s more of a spectrum and it just depends which end one finds the self nearest. So for all you introverts, allow me to share with you some helpful tips for interacting with others to make them feel as uncomfortable as they make you feel.

 1) Personal Space Invader. 
Stand very close to the person to whom you are speaking. Should they move away, move closer. Don’t let them get away! A captive audience is the best kind of audience!
2) The Fine Art of One-Upmanship
Demonstrate your confidence by shoehorning yourself into whatever is already being said. If their story is wild, yours is wilder. If their story is tragic, yours is more so. Everything is a contest, and you’re out to win!
3) TMI
Share intimate personal details. Describe your bowel movements; talk about recent or recurring illnesses; talk about your sex life, should you have one. No topic is too taboo or off limits!
4) I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream!
Talk in a loud voice so it is clear to whomever is listening that what you are saying is important. And remember to talk over others to remain in control of the conversation.
Remember these easy steps and not only will you feel more comfortable in groups of extroverts, you’ll become more popular!

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