Image via ABC
On April 21st I reported on Harrison Ford being missing. The truth has finally come to light as to what happened to him in the 3 weeks he was gone.
‘He had flown to South America to get a guinea pig for lunch, as some had speculated.’ Ford’s agent reported in a press release, ‘But he ran into some trouble.’
It turns out Ford crashed, yet again, but this time in a more remote location.
He was flying from Toronto, where his new mystery project is filming, to Peru when he encountered trouble over the Caribbean. He was able to eject out of the plane and parachute safely into the ocean where he floated for several days, living off of vitamins, bottled water and some energy bars he had stowed in his cargo pants, as he has become accustomed to crashing. In the days he was adrift he fought off many hardships, wrinkly finger tips, low blood sugar, several sharks and even a horny dolphin, no doubt hot and bothered by Ford’s rugged good looks.
One of the sharks who encountered Harrison Ford, the shark was able to leave the scene with only minor injuries.
After several days adrift Ford woke up one morning on an uninhabited island. He built a shelter from foliage and his parachute, which he also used to collect fresh water from rain and dew. He ate coconuts, indigenous roots, fish he caught with his bare hands and birds which he trapped using the carcasses of fish he caught. He lived like this for almost 2 weeks when he spotted a passing cargo ship and set the whole island ablaze to catch their attention.
The uninhabited island Ford inhabited for several weeks. Photo taken by aerial photographer months before Ford burned it to the ground.
The ship then took him to the Bahamas where he gambled his way to affording a new plane by playing dice in the back alleys regular men dare not venture. He then flew to Peru to get himself his much sought after guinea pig.
The men who played dice against Ford, still trying to win back the thousands they lost to him.
Once he had eaten, he flew back to Toronto, without incident, to resume filming. But while stepping out of the plane, Ford tripped and fell, breaking his wrist. He was rushed to a Toronto hospital to treat the break. Filming will resume in 3 weeks once the actor is healed enough to carry on.
Was Harrison’s trip a victim of the Bermuda Triangle? Or perhaps his flight was sabotaged by the Koreans, who recently learned that his new movie was being produced by Sony? Sound off in the comment section below.
When not writing satire for The Spew, Josh runs his travelog at joshxhenderson.com