The Bee-ening: What is Obama’s Endgame?

As We watch in abject horror as our society crumbles beneath our very feet and our world spins violently out of control like a poorly installed ceiling fan, many of us seem blissfully unaware of the imminent threat looming against us. As we have reported before, President Barack Obama has been and continues to use bees attack innocent US citizens, but when we must endure another year under his iron fist full of bees, we cannot help but wonder, what is his endgame? How will this play out? How is he going to use his secret bee army to make a play for a third term and more power? Here are the existing theories, ranked from most to least likely:

1) Most likely, he is simply trying to create a national disaster that will give him license to seize power and a third term, once the unruly state of Texas is properly subdued. The bees themselves are highly-trained military specialists who are capable of targeting enemies from miles away and kill them. No one ever suspects the bee!
2) His seemingly random, widespread attacks are really just an attempt to bolster the complete failure in policy known as Obamacare by causing medical emergencies among children and the elderly.
3) Obama himself is secretly a million bees, working together to look at act like a human being, and are using their influence as president to turn the U.S. into a bee-state. With honeybee populations apparently dying off (although a recent EPA report concluded their low numbers could in fact be the result of Obama’s non-stop bee-herding), they would be working to create a bee-human hybrid to propagate their species. Within the bees’ strict class system, pure Humans will be used as slave labor to make honey while the more attractive male specimens will be consorts to the Queen, who will kill and eat her mate after the act of copulation is complete.
4) The bees are possibly a smokescreen for a much deeper, perhaps parrot-related, scheme that involves the communism, extremist yoga classes, and a tambourine.
5) These are all just a coincidence, and Obama has no bee agenda after all. Yeah, right.

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