Cthulhu’s Corner: The Unnameable

They say pets resemble their owners, but I just don't see it.

They say pets resemble their owners, but I just don’t see it.

I haven’t really said anything yet, but about two weeks ago, I was talking to Arissa (for those of you not keeping score, she happens to be my regular barista at the Starbucks I frequent) and she kept going on about her cat. His name is Huxley and he’s a 2 year old grey tabby rescue who likes to lick Arissa’s face to wake her up. He’s fixed, had all his shots, and she likes to dress him up as an elf for her Christmas card photo every year. The idea of possessing a lower life form as a companion is somewhat lost on me. As I understand it, the creature (who is, as she described, “totes adorbs”) is not bound by any blood vows or sacrament, its will is not bound to her own; it simply lives in her loft and eats food that she buys for it. It seems rather upside-down to me.

Despite all that, as Arissa continued talking about Huxley, she presented the idea in such a way that appealed to me. Enough so that I, a couple days following, bought a cat. It wasn’t such a tough decision; really it’s the right thing to do. Did you know that every year, hundreds of animals die in the streets, unloved and abandoned by their owners? I didn’t know that either until Arissa opened my eyes to the terrible tragedy (that’s a tragedy, right? She made it seem bad, how she described it). Of course, I did the responsible thing and adopted a rescue cat. But not just any rescue cat. Any foolish mortal with $90 can go to the humane society and adopt a rescue cat. I took the next step and actually rescued a cat from a private breeder. From what I’ve been told, private animal breeders are about the worst humans on the face of the earth, so how could I not go and liberate this tiny helpless animal from their vile clutches? The only shame is that I wasn’t able to rescue them all.
I guess the first step is supposed to be to name the creature in order to establish a bond, but I am finding this very difficult. Humans tend to name their pets after characters or people they admire, or for characteristics the animal exhibits, either in physical appearance or personality. I find those terribly tiresome and unoriginal. So after spending 2 hours googling popular pet names, I was no closer to naming it.  Which is when I discovered that it had pooped on my rug. Had the thing not heard of the mighty Cthulhu?! Whose wrath has ripped open the cosmos?? Whose very gaze drives men to the edge of madness and beyond?! It poops on the rug of he whose name can hardly be uttered by beings of this universe?! As I rose up to scold it, I looked at its tiny little face… and froze. I cannot say how long I stood, trapped in its gaze, but it felt as if a thousand ages had risen and fallen, that the earth around us fell away into despair and rose up again on the ruins of what had been. I felt as if the sun had swallowed us up and spat us back out upon the shores of some distant sea, upon a distant world orbiting a distant star. And as the moment passed away, I felt as though I could hear his tiny voice in my head, commanding me to clean up the poop. And I did. I, Cthulhu, cleaned up the waste of a lower life form. But let it be known; I was not of my own mind. I was in the possession of another creature. But can you imagine my horror! I, the mighty Cthulhu, my senses taken over

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s