We Sent Our Foreign Correspondent to Belgium and All She Did Was Drink Beer

I recently went to Belgium, Brussels and Bruges to be specific.  During this trip I drank many beers. I am a beer enthusiast, in that I like to drink and try different beers. Don’t expect snooty language about palates and essences (except for “quaffable” but that’s just fun to say). So here are some simple reviews of several Belgian beers by someone who likes to drink beer but doesn’t know much about it.  Beers are reviewed in the order I consumed them as a travelled from Brussels to Bruges and back.

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Tips For Keeping Your Girlfriend From Running In Terror

Congratulations! You did it! Despite your many flaws– including but not limited to: poor hygiene; a lackluster personality; and a general lack of any redeeming qualities– you managed to snag yourself a girlfriend! Good for you! Now, if we are going to be completely honest– this is probably your last and only chance for love. So don’t screw it up! Here are some helpful tips to prevent the unfortunate gal from running in the other direction, perhaps toward a convent.

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Sarah Palin Calls For Impeachment Of SCOTUS Justices

Following a big week of decisions by the Supreme Court, including landmark rulings on President Obama’s Affordable Care Act and same-sex marriage, Sarah Palin, TV “personality” and former “governor” of “Alaska”, has calle for the impeachment of the Supreme Court justices who upheld both decisions. Continue reading

Which Celebrities Died This Weekend?

in_memoryIf you’re like me then you’re awesome.  But also you might not be able to keep up with all of the news every weekend and you miss some things.  Like which celebrities have shuffled off this mortal coil.  Thankfully, I’m here to fill you in!
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The Loyal Colonials: Preserving America’s Proud English Heritage

A once proud part of our heritage is in danger of being lost forever, assert the Colonials

Proud American Loyalists fear that America is ignoring its history and its commitments to the Crown.
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The 2016 Presidential Candidates Ranked by Movie

Not a single candidate engenders as much public good-will as Spider-Man 3.

Not a single candidate engenders as much public good-will as Spider-Man 3.

With the 2016 Presidential race so thickly underway right now, it may be difficult to keep up with all of the polls.  Well TMS is here to help you keep track of where your favorite candidate is sitting in the polls!  To do that, we’ve conveniently matched up each candidate with the movie who’s Rotten Tomato score most closely matches their current standing.  Stay informed!

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Massive Protests Erupt in Washington, DC Calling For ReBoot Reboot

Protesters calling for a reboot of ReBoot shut down the government on Wednesday.

Protesters calling for a reboot of ReBoot shut down the government on Wednesday.

WASHINGTON, DC — Protesters have taken to the streets over the past few days to give voice to a complaint shared by all right-thinking Americans.  Also Canadians, but their protests took the form of a polite letter.  the chief complaint of these protesters was the failure of the log-awaited reboot of smash-hit TV series ReBoot.

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Imperial Flag Continues to Fly over Coruscant Decades After The Emporer’s Death

Don’t tread on me.

Even after the hero Luke Skywalker did his part in ending the Galactic Civil War and Princess Leia Organa-Solo helped establish the New Republic, some Deep Core Worlds, most prominently, Coruscant, are holding on to the darker chapters of the Galaxy’s history. Many galactic citizens are unhappy that the flag of the fallen Galactic Empire, a symbol of oppression, still flies at the capital in Coruscant.

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Singer of Heavy Metal Band Yells, Threatens Audience Member; Audience Member Completely Innocent of All Wrongdoing 

“Yeah! Rock out with your genitals descretely covered!”

Tobias Plumb is your typical American. He pays his taxes; he drives at or below the speed limit; he dresses modestly; he abstains from alcohol, tobacco, and premarital sex. So when he found himself the center of a heated controversy, he was as shocked as anyone.  Continue reading