For the first time in what feels like strange aeons, your favorite Elder God’s life is looking up! I have had a week that was absolute gangbusters on all fronts. This was exactly what I needed after the last few weeks, what with the drama with Nyarlathotep and Arissa. It felt great to get out of my own head without having to muck about in the collective unconsciousness of your pitiful race. Let me tell you all about it!
I’ve already told you about the kitten that I rescued from some nefarious kitten mill breeders. Well, my success with the Unnameable feline inspired me to take up a new project. Backyard chickens. My landlord was not too thrilled by the prospect at first, but he frankly hasn’t been all that enthusiastic about anything since I moved in. Mostly he just drools and mumbles about the pointlessness of life and the profound disinterest with which the nihilistic void views humanity. So, all in all, I don’t worry too much about his concerns or criticisms. Making room for the chickens was slightly difficult, as I didn’t have a backyard before starting the project and had to convince my neighbours to give up their apartment so that I could knock down some walls and create a nice free-range environment for the dozen chickens I acquired. The asylum that my former neighbours moved into is one of the nicer ones in the state so I’m sure that they’re very comfortable.
With my little flock of chickens scurrying and pecking their way around the old tenants’ quarters, I was already feeling pretty pleased. I could look at them as they scratched up the carpet and squawked at each other and remember back to the time when their ancestors- which you know as the dinosaurs- would do much the same. I suppose it was a little maudlin to recall those herds of cute little monsters before the comet killed them all, but recalling scenes of tyrannosaurs feasting on their lesser kin always brings an appreciative twist to my tentacles. The Unnameable was wary of them but also curious; I was certain they would learn to get along.
So I left them alone so that I could go out and try something else new to me. Crossfit. Have you tried this? You should. Everyone should be doing Crossfit, and those of you who are doing Crossfit should be doing more Crossfit. Frankly, it was amazing! What a workout! I really got into it and felt the burn in muscles I didn’t even know I had. My trainer was also really impressed with how quickly I picked it all up- I’ve always been a quick learner and a bit of an athlete. The gym- sorry, I meant the “box”, I’m still picking up on the lingo- was really busy too, but a lot of the other Crossfitters just ended up abandoning their workouts to watch me all glassy-eyed. I suppose I can understand that. I doubt they had ever seen anyone pick it up as quickly as I did. Four of them lost their lives spotting for me. You should definitely check out Crossfit and I’m sure that I’ll be talking about it more in later posts.
Flooded with the thrill of physical exertion I returned home, already planning a full post all about my Crossfit experience. And then I discovered something that made me realize that Crossfit was only going to be part of my story this week. The rest would have to be about The Unnameable and the chickens.
The iron-rich aroma of blood and offal struck me as soon as I entered, but there was also something different about the apartment. Over the days that I have spent with my new cat I have learned the many nuances of its cries and mewlings. As I entered my apartment, I could hear what could only be meows of ultimate pride. I followed them through the recently demolished wall and into the “free-range” portion of my domicile, noting as I did that I could hear nothing of the chickens. I would see them soon enough.
Near the back of the apartment sat The Unnameable, meowing and grooming itself with the inherent casualness that is the evolutionary prize of all felines. He stopped when I entered and we locked eyes. There was a challenge in his glance as well as satisfaction deeper than any I had ever before encountered. The Unnameable was perched atop a throne of chicken bones, each one picked clean and white. The skulls of the birds were aligned in a neat row at the base, pointing outward, and one of the cat’s paws was even then being slowly drawn along them.
Never had I felt such pride in a creature of my own. Also, strangely, never before had I felt such dread. I’m not sure what that came from. Probably it was just the beginning of Crossfit soreness.