We Will Soon Be Out Of Jokes, Mathematicians Warn

A new study being published concludes that our comedy is quickly being depleted and we will soon be out of jokes.

“We noticed the trend watching Adam Sandler movies,” said Rosalind Tiernan, a mathematician and Statistician who helped author the study. “Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore start out strong, but by Jack and Jill and Blended, the joke levels are critically low. So we ran the numbers. As it turns out, comedy is a non-renewable resource and it is being used at such a phenomenal rate that we conclude it will be exhausted in our children’s lifetime.”

A legitimate graph, as far as you can tell.

We asked Tiernan what would cause the sudden and drastic drop in comedy.

“We can’t blame it all on Adam Sandler,” she warns. “In fact, it’s difficult to tell if he’s even using jokes in his movies anymore. What is more troubling is the use of social media.”

Tiernan points out that normal people, who typically aren’t that funny, will share jokes and funny cat videos which can use drastic amounts of comedy to run. Likewise, Twitter users will retweet jokes from famous comedians, again causing sharp spikes in comedy usage and putting a strain on the comedy grid.

“Things were different 10 years ago when people still thought Carlos Mencia was funny,” Tiernan points out. “The great thing was he would often recycle and repurpose jokes– taking jokes from other comedians and restyling them with his own brand of Latin American flavor. You just don’t see that anymore.”

So what can be done? “Be careful what you share on social media,” Tiernan warns. “Some sites use more comedy than others. The Onion and Buzzfeed are some of the worst offenders. They will often use as much as 50 comedies per share, whereas much more planet-friendly sites like The Monthly Spew use only 2-3.”

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