Congratulations! You did it! Despite your many flaws– including but not limited to: poor hygiene; a lackluster personality; and a general lack of any redeeming qualities– you managed to snag yourself a girlfriend! Good for you! Now, if we are going to be completely honest– this is probably your last and only chance for love. So don’t screw it up! Here are some helpful tips to prevent the unfortunate gal from running in the other direction, perhaps toward a convent.
1) Talk about your ex. Provided you have one. This will demonstrate to your new gal that you are secure in your relationship. This particular topic of conversation works great to fill those inevitable awkward silences and create new avenues of intimacy you both can share!
2) Try harder. So now you have a girl, what, you just give up? No! Now is not the time to check out! Get out there and show her that you are the best boyfriend she could ever have! Show up at her work unannounced. Be waiting at her house when she gets home. Take the initiative to meet her parents instead of waiting for her to introduce you. Relationships are what you put into them, so if you can put in 200%, then all she has to do is keep from dying!
3) Drop everything. With a girlfriend in your life, you have to streamline your schedule to make room for all the great dates you’ll be going on and beautiful moments you’ll share together. Cut ties with your family and friends, and give up on your dreams of backpacking across Europe or learning to hang glide. You’re in a relationship now and that’s all you’re going to have time for! Besides, you can do those things once you’re dead!
Well, I hope you find these tips helpful! Best of luck to you in your new relationship and in the future!