Cthulhu’s Corner: The Shadow Over Innsmouth Beach

Cthulhu's CornerI realize that you all are terribly disappointed that I missed last week, but let me assure you that I am perfectly alright.  Certainly a glitch in the servers prevented my inbox from being inundated with thousands of your concerned emails, but I’ll count it as a blessing because as much as I’d like to, there isn’t any way I’d be able to delete them all in any reasonable amount of time considering how busy I’m about to be.

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It Took Nearly a Month But Fox News Finally Figured Out How to Be Offended By Superman

Is there anything more Superman and more American Way than defending the rights of protesters?

Is there anything more Superman and more American Way than defending the rights of protesters?

As part of their goal of revealing the liberal bias in every corner of the media, Fox News has taken on a new target:  Superman.  Yeah.  The Big Blue Boy Scout of Truth, Justice, and the American Way is now apparently part of the liberal agenda.  Down he must come! Continue reading

Spews You Can Use: Fend Off A Shark

The summer is nearly over and panicked vacationers are rushing to the beaches before they close for the season or become oily lagoons of death.  But as tourists fill the beaches, sharks are an ever-present concern, ever lurking beneath the surface…

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5 Coolest Things You Never Knew About Nebraska!

Nebraska Landscape

The first thing no ones knows about Nebraska? There are hills there.

At a rough count, nearly 62% of TMS staffers are natives of the great state of Nebraska (little-known full name: Nebraska).  We assume that a good portion of our readership are also either native or aspiring Nebraskans (keep trying!  You’ll get there!)  With that in mind we bring you our list of the Top Five Coolest Things About Nebraska That You Never Knew Because You Were Too Lazy and Self-Involved to Find Out! Continue reading

Hank Pym and Tony Stark are the Entitled Assholes of the MCU!

More like Jerk Supreme if you ask me..

More like Jerk Supreme if you ask me…

I recently saw Ant-Man.  Good film, excellent addition to the MCU and its push to take superhero movies in new directions.  I enjoyed that they turned it into a heist movie and thought Paul Rudd did a great job.  I also loved Michael Douglas in the role of an elderly, retired Hank Pym who had history with Tony Stark’s dad, old-school SHIELD, and the continually-fantastic Hayley Atwell’s Agent Carter.  But what was maddening was that it continued the tradition of focusing on an amazing technological breakthrough that has to be kept out of the public at all costs.  Hank Pym and Tony Stark are both brilliant scientists and developers that are keeping miraculous scientific advancements from being able to change the world for the better. Continue reading

Batman v Superman: A Roundtable

Obligatory use of Jim Lee contrasting cover pic for Batman v Superman discussions.

Obligatory use of Jim Lee contrasting cover pic for Batman v Superman discussions.

Batman and Superman are two of the most famous and most popular fictional creations of all time.  They have more than 75 years of story and history behind them in print, on tv, and on movie screens.  Soon we’ll get to see them duke it out for the first time in the movie theater when Zack Snyder’s Batman v SupermanDawn of Justice hits.  The trailers look epic and the action, based on Snyder’s own Man of Steel should satisfy everyone looking to see these two icons clash.  So what is up with Batman fighting Superman?  The Monthly Spew’s top staff discuss.

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HGTV’s Property Brothers Responsible for 85% of Married Womens’ Affair Fantasies… and 54% of Mens’ According to New Study

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Statistically, at least one of the Property Brothers has fantasized about the other. Which is super weird.

COLCHESTER, VT — Scientists at the University of Vermont, assuming that there is such a place, recently published a study on the daydreaming habits of married couples.  Specifically they focused on determining who people in marriages tend to have “affair-related fantasies” or ARFs about.  In a study of 10,003 marriages, the researchers found a dramatic pattern that held firm across all other factors.  It seems that despite age, race, wealth, or length of marriage the vast majority of married women have repeated ARFs about the Property Brothers.  Further, the study found that a majority of married men also have Property Brother-related ARFs.

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Your Morning Forecast

In our effort to bring you the news that matters most to you, TMS is expanding our meteorology department from 0 employees to 1 employee, and in a much more real sense, creating a meteorology department. We even hired a meteorologist! Here’s a picture of him:

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He’s just some guy in a rocking chair, but sometimes before a storm, his trick knee will act up. Of course, at his age, you’re lucky both your knees ain’t trick. Bringing you your forecast for tomorrow, here’s the old guy in the rocking chair:

Might rain tomorrow. Then again, might not.

Stay with us for all the up-to-the-minute weather alerts.

El Donald Seeks to Engage Latin Voters

Not satisfied with just electrifying the Republican polls, a much more somber Donald Trump made another announcement.  Gone were the strains of classic rock; in their place were the sweet and gentle notes of Enrique iglesias’ “Hero”. And instead of descending on his super-classy gold escalator, he quietly rode in on a burro, clad in sombrero and poncho.
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After 400 Hours of Food Network, Aspiring Chef Almost Ready to Attempt First Grilled Cheese Sandwich

Artist's Rendition of the early 2000's... Wait, that's a real person?  No way.

Artist’s Rendition of the early 2000’s… Wait, that’s a real person? No way.

COEUR D’ALENE, ID — Jonathon Naglesmith, descendant of the famed nagle-makers of Olde Englande, has announced today that he is nearly ready to take on the challenge of his life.  For the past five years, Jonathon has been looking forward to the day when he would finally be ready to start cooking, and his announcement today was to let the world know that… he’s almost there.

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