We all love numbers, but we all also know that not all numbers are equal. There are some numbers that we hold dear, that we value much more highly than other numbers. but these judgments are all intrinsically flawed and subjective to the personal whims and preferences of the rater. Well at TMS we don’t hold no truck with subjectivity. No truck at all! That’s why we’ve created a definitive ranking of the numbers 1 through 10. Put your arguments to rest people; once again we’ve fixed the problem you were all too cowardly to discuss!
10) 1. One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever know. It’s just awful. Lazy number can’t even be 2.
9) 10. Ten is a total crap number. All it is is 1 with a 0 added to it. And 0 is nothing, it didn’t make the list of numbers that we’re doing here. So you have 1 and then you add nothing to it. Just a complete ripoff.
8) 2. This number petty much only serves as a euphemistic term for “dookie” which, although a great album, is a horrible part of the human condition. Poop and pooping is basically awful and 2 is the poopest of all the numbers. Ugh. I can’t even with 2. It is also just as bad as one; its the loneliest number since the number one.
7) 8. Better than two, but its not that great. Just two 0’s on top of each other. Much better on its side though. This is a number that had infinite potential and squandered it all.
6) 7. We’re starting to get somewhere. It did eat 9 I hear, which is impressive.
5) 5. Meh.
4) 6. I like 6. Six does its work and it isn’t flashy. Six isn’t going out and getting drunk in da’ club. Six is at home taking care of business. Good for you sex! I mean six. Six. Sex? Sorry, Freudian slip. Sex.
3) 4. Simple, rugged, consistent. You know where you stand with four. The only problem is that it is a hominid for for.
2) 9. If it hadn’t gotten eaten by 7 this one really could have gone the distance and taken it all home. Its a great number and I’ve got nothing bad to say about it. If the whole world was more like 9 then it would be a much better place.
1) 3. It’s the magic number. Magic is great, 3 is great, all comedy is in threes. Bow down to the master number and obey it’s every whim!