TMS Exclusive: Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto

In the wake of so many scathing and incredibly horrible comments made by presidential hopeful Donald Trump, TMS wanted to get the other side of the story.  So we reached out to Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto, who granted us an exclusive and revealing interview.

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TMS:  Good afternoon, Señor Presidenté.

Peña Nieto:  Bonjour.

Wait, what?

OuiBonjour.

Are you speaking French?

Non.  I am speaking perfect Spanish, my native language as a native of….

Mexico?

Oui!  Mexico!  I remember so many nights, my mother would rock me to sleep, singing traditional Spanish lullabies in a sweet voice.  That happened in Mexico, where I am from.

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Okay… Getting back on topic; Democracy has failed the united States in the most unimaginable way possible and Donald Trump is now not only running for our presidential office, but is the clear frontrunner for his party.  Time and again, he has said some of the most horrible things one person could say about another, most of which aimed at the people of Mexico.  What is your reaction as both President and citizen of Mexico?

What did he say?

He said your government is sending its criminals to our country so you don’t have to pay for them and that your politicians are smarter and more cunning than ours.

That was very nice of him.

No, it wasn’t.

It wasn’t?

No.

Then I am outraged!  As a person of Latin descent, I have a fiery temper which now burns for my people– the Mexican people, for I am from Mexico!

Is it true that you are sending criminals to the United States?  Are Mr. Trump’s assertions accurate?

No, that is absurd.  But sometimes, when criminals start poking around the old, haunted mansion, we put on ghost costumes and scare them away.  If they run to Texas, that is not my fault.

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Mr. Trump has also pledged to build a wall on our shared border and make your government pay for it.  What do you say to that?

He won’t get my treasure!

What?

I mean, Mr. Trump is a very wealthy man, and we are a relatively poor country; all our money is tied up in cartels.  If Mr. Trump really wants a wall, he may have to pay for it himself.

Perhaps you can invite him to Mexico City and explain to him the problems your country faces?

No!  Never!

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Señor Presidenté, are you alright?

, never better.  Is it hot in here?

Well no, but you aren’t sweating; are you sure you’re okay?

Trés bíen! I must go!

Wait, Señor Presidenté, you dropped your… mask?

(Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto’s face lays on the floor as his body tried to escape.  He was brought back by security and identified as Old Man Jenkins.)

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Why’d you do it, Old Man Jenkins?

I was in Mexico city 50 yrs ago when I found the lost treasure of Montezuma, right there under the presidential palace.  So I assumed the identity of Enrique Peña Nieto and worked my way through Mexican politics until I was Mexican President so I could scare people away from the treasure.

That’s an extremely long term and convoluted plan.

And I would have gotten away with it, if it weren’t for you meddling investigative journalists!

The authorities then took Old Man Jenkins back to Mexico to complete his term as president.

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