The biggest, most exciting name in cinema is gearing up to pay loving tribute to the biggest, most exciting name in cinema. Michael Bay’s production company, Platinum Dunes, has acquired the movie rights to Jerry Bruckheimer’s life story and are quickly developing it into the biggest blockbuster of all time.
“Jerry [Bruckheimer] is a titan in the industry, and its time we pay him the respect he’s due,” Bay explained. “From the moment he exploded out of his mother’s womb, to the time terrorists seized his senior prom, to his wedding day atop a live volcano, JB has done everything to the max, including telling the great stories, and making millions of dollars.”
Gore Verbinksi is in talks to direct but a star to play the lead is yet to be cast.
“We need someone with the range to play a character as dynamic and complex as JB, but I’m not really at liberty to discuss any names,” said Bay, who then shouted rather abruptly, “It’s Johnny Depp!”
Even though the script isn’t complete, Bay assures fans that it will have everything movie goers have come to expect from a Bay or Bruckheimer picture.
“We try not to weigh it down with a lot of dialogue or emotions. They are distracting from all the action and thin, scantily-clad women.”
Fortunately, in his haste to leave, Mr. Bay accidentally dropped a page from the script and we are revealing it here in the face of imminent legal recourse.