Running out of ideas, Westboro Baptist Church has taken up picket signs again their dumbest cause yet: Thursday.
“We have an entire day every week dedicated to a heathen god,” complained Sarah Wayne Jenkins, an androgynous supporter of fanatical religions with an unhelpful name, alluding to the fact that “Thursday” is derived from “Thor’s Day”. “We won’t stop holding up signs until the government, who we distrust and hate with the holy wrath of God Almighty, changes it.”
Unswayed by the argument that the Gregorian calendar was not only established by christian monks, but is also centered around the birth of Jesus Christ and the Creation according to Genesis, the WBC is adamant the name should be changed, perhaps to Jesus Day #4.
“They have an extremely valid point,” says Titus Collins, a representative of the ACLU, who surprisingly agrees with the raving lunatics. “Use of the Gregorian calendar endorses both Christianity and the religion of the Norse, neither of which am I in favor of.” He disagrees with the suggested replacement, however. “We need a good, neutral name that won’t offend anyone. I suggest Hingleflurp.”
Whatever the case, all glory to Thor on this most festive Hingleflurp.