Iran Deal Includes Bizarre Bee Clause


From left: Jay Leno, Gwenyth Paltrow, Stanley Tucci, Wilford Brimley, James Cromwell.

After weeks of tense international negotiations, a deal outlining the limited parameters under which Iran is allowed to continue its nuclear program is ready to be approved by the U.S. Congress, but it is not without its critics.
House Speaker, Majority Leader, and Grand Poobah of Nuttiness John Boehner (hehe… I said “Boehner”) promises to vote against anything short of dismantling Iran’s entire nuclear program and pointed his finger a lot while he said it so he’s probably serious.  But as Congress scrutinizes the deal, will the Bee Clause be called into question?


This looks like the worst idea ever.

The Bee Clause is a late-added section of the deal designed to appease the Iranians who were apparently upset over the United States’ military application of bees.  Said one Iranian official, “We are aware that The United States has been fostering a secret bee army.  We demand access to that technology.”


John Kerry making out with a dude.

Political analysts are calling the Bee Clause an attempt to turn the tables on the U.S. by reminding the world that the threat of nuclear weapons from Iran is insignificant compared to the threat of bees in the U.S. 


John Kerry tries to make out with another dude.

The language of the post is such that, while Iran’s nuclear activities would be restricted to energy, so shall the United States’ Bee Herding be restricted.  Additionally, the U.S. is required to share its Bee militarization technology with Iran.  White House officials would not comment on the Bee Clause, stating only that it was added to ensure a swift, thorough, and fair deal could be delivered.


He just can't stop. I swear he goes to these things just to meet guys.

What can this mean moving forward?  If the deal is approved as it is expected to despite the best efforts of bumbling republicans and other assorted idiots, the use of militarized bees by Iran could spell disaster for the international community.  Does Iran possess the capabilities of developing a large, intercontinental missile filled with bees that they could launch at any major metropolis, including the fictional city of Metropolis?  Yes.  They do.  As other major world powers seek to move the deal forward it becomes clear that they didn’t bother reading it, and the Bee Clause may remain unamended, giving Iran something far more sinister than the threat of nuclear weapons:  a Bee missile.


Iranian technicians fill an ICBM with bees.


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