Local Video Store Appears Oblivious To Reality

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The last 7 years have not been kind to Ray’s Corner Video.  With the popularity of Netflix, Redbox, and recreational blindness on the rise, a store specializing in VHS, Beta Max, and LazerDisc has a lot of much healthier competition.  And despite hundreds of abandoned Blockbuster storefronts are now filled with millions of hermit crabs, store owner Jarek Oleksandr maintains a sickeningly positive outlook.
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National Coffee Day: Free Coffee Comes With a Dark Side

Drink your coffee, but be prepared to take responsibility for it.

Drink your coffee, but be prepared to take responsibility for it.

Today was National Coffee Day, a day in which millions of Americans acquired free coffee or otherwise consumed more caffeine than normal.  For many this was a reason to rejoice, but there is a dangerous dark side to this national festivity that many are not aware of. Continue reading

The Real Battle of Helm’s Deep

The Battle Of Helm’s Deep remains one of the most historically significant events in our shared history as it set the stage for the remainder of the Third Age, but much of what is known about the battle has been re-written by the educational textbook conglomerates to sterilize it for mass consumption, but in our never ending quest to bring you the truth, we at The Monthly Spew are here to set the record straight forever.

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In the time leading up to the Battle of Helm’s Deep, Rohan had been corrupted by the evil of the traitorous wizard, Vincenté Saruman and his agent/manager, Grima Wormtongue.  With the help of the resurrected Gandalf the White, Saruman was cast out and King Theodonald was freed from his influence.

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Determined to make Rohan great again and facing a massive force of Uruk-hai determined to take the jobs of native Rohan people, Theodonald built a wall, a good wall, for cheap, and made Saruman pay for it, and called it Helm’s Deep.  When the Uruks came looking for work and to escape the horrible conditions of el Isengard, Theodonald used elven drone strikes to drive them back.

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But the Uruks exploited a weakness in the wall, namely southern California, and breached the Wall, forcing Theodonald and his supporters back into the Keep, where they were slaughtered mercilessly.  With the Rohan workforce decimated, the Uruks went to work harvesting crops and cleaning houses.  The End.

Songs About Coffee for Coffee Day

Thanks to Facebook I have learned that today is National Coffee Day.  I personally find coffee abhorrent.  It’s bitter and all around awful, even mounds of sugar and gallons of cream can barely mask it’s downright nasty taste.  HOWEVER!  I also understand it’s importance to millions of people worldwide.  And since I like to try to think of the big picture, I do what I can to be helpful and supportive (while still getting my jabs in).  So since there are no ‘coffee carols’ (yet) here are some songs about coffee for you to enjoy on this day, National Coffee Day.

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5 Life Changing Band Documentaries

There are a couple things I love most about life; travel, movies, and cinema.  Luckily for me one often leads to another.  Performing music has taken me to places I would never have had the opportunity to visit otherwise.  And my love of movies has introduced me to some music I may never have gotten into.  Here are my top 5 Life Changing Band Documentaries.

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Cthulhu’s Corner: A Battle Between God-Like Machines and God-Like Outer Gods

Cthulhu's CornerSometimes even a Great Old One like myself gets bored and wanders the internet in search of entertainment.  Recently I cam across this bit of short fiction created in response to a question posted on the Reddit sub r/AskScienceFiction.  The question was how the hyper-advanced, AI-run society known as the Culture [from Iain M. Banks’ fantastic series of books] would handle an interaction with the Idiot God and Nuclear Chaos Azathoth– my own great grandthing.  Hopefully you enjoy it as much as I did.  It is republished here with permission of original author u/Mikeavelli. Continue reading

Lion-Killing Dentist Strikes Again

Yellow Lion; we hardly knew ye.

Yellow Lion; we hardly knew ye.

PLAINS OF LENG — Walter Palmer, killer of Cecil the lion and inventor of the little known ‘Walter Palmer’ (a combination of iced tea and iced coffee), is making headlines once again with his thrill-hunting misadventures.  This time the Minnesotan dentist has killed one of the most famous lions not just on Earth but in the entire galaxy: the Yellow Lion of the Voltron, Defender of the Universe. Continue reading

The Comic Property Spinoffs We’d Love to Get

Comic Book properties are becoming big business.  Marvel movies are huge, Marvel Comics’ licensed properties are also big screen hits for Sony & Fox, DC is following suit in building their own interconnected cinematic universe and CW, FOX & Netflix are tearing up our TV sets at home with hits like Arrow, The Flash, Gotham & Daredevil.

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The TMS Effect: Scott Walker Drops Out of GOP Presidential Race

Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker speaks to the Illinois Chamber of Commerce Tuesday, April 17, 2012 in Springfield, Ill. Walker says he's using Illinois and its many problems as an argument for keeping him in office. The first-term Republican faces a recall election in June primarily because he restricted union bargaining rights for state employees.  (AP Photo/Seth Perlman)

Despite excellent fear-mongering hands, Scott Walker has dropped out of the GOP race.

TRINIDAD AND TOBAGO — Scott Walker, former front-runner for GOP President* and current Green Bay Packers fan (one assumes), dropped out of the race on Monday.  Sources close to the Wisconsin governor are citing TMS as the leading cause of Walker’s decision to drop out.  In particular they point to an in-depth expose that TMS would have published next week and which would have had inescapable repercussions for the candidate. Continue reading