Kim Davis Forced To Marry Another Woman In Jail

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Kim Davis, Kentucky County Clerk who made headlines for being arrested because she refused to do her job or resign her post for contentious objections is now being forced to marry another woman in jail despite her objections to same-sex marriage.

“This isn’t a punishment by the Federal or state governments,” explained Fred Marshal, one of the federal marshals who arrested Davis.  “This is part of the prison social system.  It’s really for her own protection.  Unless she wants shanked in the cafeteria or shived in the yard, she needs to become someone’s girlfriend.”

When asked why guards and staff allowed this to continue to unwilling participants, Marshal continued.  “It’s part of their sincerely-held belief that ‘fresh meat’ remember their place at the bottom of the pecking order.  We can’t interfere with that.”

Maureen Shoenauer, a representative of the American Civil Liberties Union, disagrees.  “Kim Davis broke the law and belongs in jail,” said Shoenauer.  “But it’s a violation of her rights as a prisoner to be forced to marry anyone to whom she does not want to enter into a legal bond with.”

Wait. Legal?

“Grisly Susan, the inmate who performed the ceremony is a duly ordained ship’s captain,” Marshal pointed out. “It’s all legally binding.”
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The couple will be honeymooning in the rec yard and are registered for cigarettes and toilet wine.

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