Lion-Killing Dentist Strikes Again

Yellow Lion; we hardly knew ye.

Yellow Lion; we hardly knew ye.

PLAINS OF LENG — Walter Palmer, killer of Cecil the lion and inventor of the little known ‘Walter Palmer’ (a combination of iced tea and iced coffee), is making headlines once again with his thrill-hunting misadventures.  This time the Minnesotan dentist has killed one of the most famous lions not just on Earth but in the entire galaxy: the Yellow Lion of the Voltron, Defender of the Universe.

Yellow Lion with her pack mates would often merge together in some kind of weird space-orgy to form Voltron.  They would then fight evil robeasts, often prolonging fights for way too long instead of just using the unbeatable Blazing Sword right away.

Yellow Lion with her pack mates would often merge together in some kind of weird space-orgy to form Voltron. They would then fight evil robeasts, often prolonging fights for way too long instead of just using the unbeatable Blazing Sword right away.

Walter Palmer made headlines earlier this year when he killed Cecil the Lion, a lion who was being protected from hunting in order to ensure that not all the lions in the world died.  It seems that Walter, instead of taking the time on his fancy dentist vacation to find a wild lion that needed to be killed to help with population control instead just shot the first lion he saw when he got off the plane.  The international condemnation was immediate and intense, especially from the crowd of Twittervists who consider sharing a hashtag to be the utmost of civic responsibility.

For awhile after that Walt laid low, allowing the media storm to blow over and thanking Bryan Cranston nightly for making guys named ‘Walt’ seem slightly more impressive.  His dental clinic even reopened without him in order to protect their clients from media crazies like TMS and their ilk.

Prior to her death the Yellow Lion liked to run and jump.

Prior to her death the Yellow Lion liked to run and jump.

But it seems that nothing could keep Dr. Walter Palmer from his one true love of killing lions.  This time however, instead of returning to Africa for another safari, he traveled to the far away planet of Arus where mighty robot lions roam the plains and occasionally join up to form a placid-faced robot man.

After shooting and killing the Yellow Lion while it slept, Walter again pleaded ignorance, “I thought it was just a wild lion.  How was I supposed to know that it was part of some universal anti-robeast protector?”

Hunk (real name: Hunk) was sad that his lion was dead.

Hunk (real name: Hunk) was sad that his lion was dead.

Perhaps the person most deeply affected by the death of the Yellow Lion is Hunk, the human pilot of Yellow Lion and member of the Space Exploration Force responsible for reviving Voltron.  “Yellie- I called her Yellie- was a great robot and a great lion.  She was the best robot lion friend I ever had.”  Hunk, it must be said, is a bit pudgy and not all that bright.

Palmer is hoping to have the lion mounted in a threatening pose.

Palmer is hoping to have the lion mounted in a threatening pose.

Dr. Walter Palmer returned to Earth where he intends to have the Yellow Lion taxidermied and mounted on the wall of his office, likely in a much more threatening pose than the one he shot her in.  The planet Arus was soon invaded by the robeasts of evil witch Haggar.  The fall of Arus leaves the rest of the universe open to subjugation by Haggar and her master King Zarkon.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s