Another Captivating Interview With Donald Trump!

If there was a word for when lightning strikes twice, you might as well delete from the lexicon and replace it with The Monthly Spew, because we have been granted a landmark SECOND interview with Donald “Future Tyrannical Overlord” Trump, current frontrunner of the Republican presidential race, billionaire real estate tycoon and former reality star.  Really, it isn’t surprising considering his egomaniacal lust for media attention, but a win is a win.

TMS: Thanks for insisting we interview you a second time.

Trump: It’s your pleasure to talk to me.

TMS:  Having participated now in 2 GOP debates, it has become apparent that you have no idea whatsoever what you are talking about.  How does this account for your runaway popularity?

Trump:  What do I do? I say the first thing that pops into my head because everything I say is brilliant.  If you could take all my words and weigh them together at once, then trade for that same weight in gold, you’d be a billionaire like me. Unfortunately, that’s not how our economy works.

TMS:  And how does our economy work?

Trump: Gotcha questions!

TMS:  You can’t just call any question you don’t know the answer to a “Gotcha question” and pretend like that’s a thing.

Trump:  Gotcha questions!

TMS: That wasn’t a question–

Trump: Gotcha questions!

TMS: I didn’t–

Trump: Gotcha questions!

(PAUSE)

TMS: Moving on… You’ve so far gotten by wooing under-and-misinformed conservative voters with your unabashed brand of racism.  Can you explain how you came to be so myopic and small-minded?

Trump:  Thank you.  I’ve seen all the Transformer movies, and each time, you have aliens coming to Earth uninvited.  And even though they help us, they bring their problems with them.  That’s what is happening in this country.  They aren’t sending us their best and brightest; they’re sending Decepticons, they’re sending Megatron, they’re sending Lockdown.  Some of them are Autobots, I assume.

TMS:  Do you ever think you should not say what you’re about to say?

Trump:  Do I ever walk backwards?  Do I ever poop out Filet Mignon?  Do I ever give money to people?  No, but you can bet if I ever did, I’d do it better than any other person who ever lived.

TMS: Anything you want to say in closing?

Trump:  People want to say I’m not concerned with poverty in our country.  Of course, I’m concerned; how could I not be concerned?  I’ve been doing real estate in this country for over 300 years.  That’s why I want to deport all the poor people back to their own countries.  White people aren’t poor, right?

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