Spiders are, for many people, a furry, 8-legged nightmare. Just in the past month, a mother endangered her 9-year-old by jumping out of a moving vehicle after seeing a spider and a man set a gas station ablaze trying to burn a spider he spotted on his car while pumping gas. What else can cause such irrational behavior? Meth, of course.
Anyway, lest you find yourself unexpectedly leaping from your car as you careen down the freeway, we have compiled a list of places spiders love to hide so you aren’t caught off guard next time Ungoliant tries to sneak up on you.
In Your Mouth
Spiders prefer to lay their eggs in dark, moist places free of predators, so while you are sleeping with your mouth agape, drool pooling on your pillowcase, spiders like to crawl inside and make themselves at home. And since your ears, nose, and throat are all connected by internal canals and passages, don’t be surprised if that scratching sound you can’t explain is really just thousands of spider babies hatching in your Eustachian tube.
Behind Your Eyes
Get headaches a lot? Having trouble seeing without your glasses or corrective lenses? Do you feel nothing where once was joy? Most likely, a spider has nestled behind your eyeball and is feeding off the hundreds of thousands of parasitic worms making their way into your brain. Eventually, it will seek a mate and its spindly legs will appear from inside your eyelid. Play it off as fake lashes until you can carve out your eye with a credit card.
Directly On Your Face
Due to its proximity to the eyes, it is very difficult to see one’s own face without the aid of highly polished mirrors, so in all likelihood, there is a spider directly on your face right now and you don’t even know it. Go ahead, ask your friend. If there’s a spider on your face, he’ll tell you to hold still while he smacks it.
Behind You While You Watch TV
Ever get that feeling you’re being watched, even though you know you’re totally alone? It’s the spider lurking just over your shoulder. Don’t bother looking; it’s so fast it will remain behind you no matter which way you turn.
This Halloween season, remember your nightmares are real and are probably lurking in your bathtub.