In his ongoing battle against historians and rationality, Dr. Ben Carson has made yet another statement that is sure to send namby-pampy liberals into hissy fits. As a follow up to his statements about the Holocaust, Dr. Carson expanded his support for everyone everywhere having guns to include the notably pacifistic peoples of Alderaan. As you may recall, Alderaan was long ago destroyed by the Galactic Empire’s so-called “Death Star”.
“It is not hyperbole at all,” whispered Dr. Carson in a tone that was very calm, very patient, and did not at all match the craziness of his words. “We know that Alderaan had disarmed years before its destruction because of the tyrannical rule of Princess Leia’s mother. If they had maintained some sort of planetary defense system, instead of relying on the protection of the Galactic Republic and the Jedi, then they could have fought off the Death Star.”
Dr. Carson’s argument baffled historians. “No planetary defense system existed that could have prevented the Death Star from destroying Alderaan. Even Coruscant, with its double-layered planetary shield system and network of advanced Golan IV defense platforms would never have stood a chance. Nothing existed capable of repelling firepower of that magnitude. Further, to blame the Alderaanians for their own destruction is tantamount to turning a blind eye on the horrible evil perpetrated by Emperor Palpatine and Grand Moff Tarkin. If anything, being armed would only have made Tarkin all the more eager to test out the Death Star on Alderaan to further prove the power of his technological marvel. Alderaan was the victim of a rapacious power that was far, far beyond their ability- no matter what action they had taken- to defend against.”
“Whatever,” murmured Dr. Carson. “I’m not going to be shackled by the PC police. I’m not running for president to be correct, let alone politically correct.”