WHO Links Being Alive to Cancer; Recommends Avoiding Whenever Possible

Following a controversial and devastating study linking just about everything you could possibly want to eat to Cancer, The World Health Organization (NASDAQ, WHO -.38) has released a follow up study, one sure to attract its own share of controversy. 

“It seems that everyone who has ever had cancer, was, at some point, alive,” said Helmut Dierklemmut, some German guy whose name sounds made up, but is most assuredly a member of the World Health Organization.  “This created an inexorable link between the two, a link we couldn’t ignore.”

“It was really shocking,” said Kim Cho, a doctor who participated in the study and is both Korean and a girl.  “Regardless of diet, exercise, or lifestyle, the one thing all patients had in common was that they were alive.”

While they haven’t pinpointed the exact link, their consensus is that they are directly and recommend avoiding being alive whenever possible.

“We realize it can be difficult in today’s busy, hectic world,” says Cho, “but if you can slow down and maybe take 10-15 min a day to not be alive, it could save your life.”

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