Chuck Hagel On Military Action In Syria

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As Russia bombs the crap out of whomever they darn well please, the US is beginning to look like that bro that doesn’t want to party (dude, bro. Brooooo…)

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and is thinking of excuses to not party next week either.  With international pressures mounting to deal with the situation in Syria, we thought it’d be a good idea to ask Chuck Hagel, former Minister of Defence of His Majesty’s Imperial Armada or some business that suggests he might have an opinion about it.

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“I don’t know; something with bees, maybe,” said the former senator who had once served in Vietnam.  “I mean, our entire defense budget was being spent on Bee acquisition.  I’m not really sure if we have any tanks or bombs or even enlisted service personnel.”
Plainly dissatisfied with his flimsy response, his contemporary and fellow hayseed, former senator Bob Kerrey, was asked the same thing.

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“It’s too dangerous to put American bees on the ground,” responded Kerrey to Hagel’s response.  “It would be more prudent to blindly fire long-range bee missiles into the region at taxpayer expense.”

Unfortunately, since neither man holds any real position of influence, it really doesn’t matter what they think.

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