Bernie Sanders Promises to Increase Production of Rings of Power

“85% of all known Rings of Power are currently controlled by the top 1% of evil Maiar!”  proclaimed Senator and Secret Wizard Bernie Sanders at his latest campaign rally in Iowa.  “Also by Dragons,” he added after the crowd corrected him.  “You are all right, Dragons did eat the seven dwarven Rings.  But the issue remains clear!  The billionaire class and the Dark Lord continue to hold a monopoly on Rings of Power that is destroying the Middle Class of Middle Earth!”nine-rings Continue reading

Did ‘Man of Steel’ Take Its Plot From Disney’s ‘Hercules’?

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The biggest Superman movie of the last 3 years is probably Zack Snyder’s Man of Steel.  Reclaiming the property from the less-than-well-received Superman Returns, MoS reinterprets the character in a post-Nolan cinematic landscape. Perfectly cast with Henry “The Last Son of Krypton” Cavill as the lead, the always delightful Amy Adams as Lois Lane, and intensely intense Michael Shannon as power mad and vengeful Zod, the film was praised by fan and critics alike earning it a collective, “Well, at least it’s better than the last one.”

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Bernie Sanders Talks About The Issues You Care About

Some presidential candidates would have you believe this year’s election is about immigration or gun control. Those candidates are wrong. Bernie Sanders knows exactly what you want to see changed in this country, and he’s ready to talk about the important issues.
The recession:

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The Bailout:

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Wealth Inequality:

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Obama’s Secret Bee Army:

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Why Kids Love Cinnamon Toast Crunch:
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Cauliflower Mashed Potatoes:
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By contrast, here are Trump’s thoughts:

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The Force Awakens: A Dissapointed Review

Star Wars:  The Force Awakens is already a cultural juggernaut that has made more money in three weeks than the economies of three random countries whose names you don’t know.  It is one of the funnest, most thrilling, and enjoyable movies that I have seen all year.  It is also a derivative, plot hole-riddled, illogical travesty.  It is the Star Wars movie we all wanted following the Prequels, but it will end up being remembered as one of the least-satisfying and most aggravating movie in the entire saga. Continue reading

Scientists Blame Warm Winter Entirely On Trump Campaign

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As President, Mr. Trump will seek to abolish wind.

It would be easy to blame this winter’s unseasonably mild temperatures on El Niño, the enigmatic weather pattern caused by warm Pacific Ocean currents that manifests around Christmas as a slushy suckfest, or on Obama’s deliberate raising of the earth’s temperature to accommodate our eminent Bee overlords, but leading climatologists, meteorologists, and unattractive weathermen agree; It’s all on Trump 2016.

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