It would be easy to blame this winter’s unseasonably mild temperatures on El Niño, the enigmatic weather pattern caused by warm Pacific Ocean currents that manifests around Christmas as a slushy suckfest, or on Obama’s deliberate raising of the earth’s temperature to accommodate our eminent Bee overlords, but leading climatologists, meteorologists, and unattractive weathermen agree; It’s all on Trump 2016.
“Any election year brings an increase of hot air,” explains Dappy Roe, a very real climatologist who has had to bear the lifelong trauma of having a made-up sounding name and is very sensitive about people bringing it up, “but Mr. Trump’s campaign has brought with it a record amount of bluster, carrying the hot air all across the globe.”
But it isn’t all about hot air and blustery days, Roe points out. It seems that Mr. Trump is a one-man greenhouse effect.
“Trump himself is releasing unthinkable volumes of obnoxious gases (basically the breath in his lungs) into the atmosphere,” says Roe. “That is all being held in by the thick layer of smoke he’s been blowing up our behinds, and its wreaking havoc on our predictable weather patterns.”
So as you slush through another horrible winter remember who you have to thank.