As of right now, if you haven’t seen Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens, you have no one to blame but yourself, but for you irresponsible citizens who have neglected your patriotic duty of stimulating the economy and donating your money to down-and-out Hollywood producers, you may not want to read on. The Monthly Spew, like the rest of the internet, is aflame with theories, speculation, and general conjecture about the new chapter unfolding within the Star Wars Saga. If you want to hear what we thought of the movie, go here. Otherwise, we’d like to share our own theories concerning the characters and events in The Force Awakens.
Snoke is Jar-Jar Binks
it wouldn’t be all that hard to make the most universally hated character in the entire star wars Canon into a workable villain. We hate him anyway; nothing more needs to be done. Secondly, this isn’t the first time Jar Jar has sold the galaxy out. You may recall that after he leveraged his status as war hero into being elected senator of Naboo, he was manipulated by Palpatine into motioning to create a Grand Army of the Republic, helping spark the Clone Wars.
After Nero brought his Romulon mining vessel into the past, the entire timeline was reset, paving the way for Old Spock to meet Chris Pine on Both and for Shmi Skywalker to be thrown into the future on Jakku.
As inconceivable as it may seem, it is possible that Finn is not related to either Lando Calrissian or Mace Windu. Although it’s been hinted that his lack of a surname is to hide his parentage, it was established in The Force Awakens that his name is actual just a stormtrooper serial code and he was dubbed Finn by Poe Dameron. There’s no need to hide his parentage because maybe– just maybe– there are other black people out in the galaxy.