TMS presents: Cosplay Fitness and How To at Planet Comicon

About a month ago, three of our contributors got together and did a small panel at Planet Comicon in Kansas City. If you missed it, have no fear! We have exclusive footage from the event.

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Top Ten New Names for a Brexited UK

f29e83c0-1ba4-11e6-afe8-af49ac0e29d1_1ecc3b12aea8e69c95ddf7d3da87b776In the wake of successfully kicking themselves in their own testicles by voting in favor of Brexit, the UK is faced with huge changes.  Already Scotland, which voted in large numbers to Remain in the EU is preparing for another independence referendum.  Northern Ireland likewise voted to Remain and one can hope they may do the same, leaving Wales and England behind.  That gives them the opportunity to rebrand!  So, what name should they pick?  Here are our top tens! Continue reading

New Fundamentalist Goup Declares War on Drone Operators

— DECATUR, IL  The Fundamentalist group All Kites has recently declared all-out war against drone operators worldwide.  The announcement comes after a long period of growing tension between the groups of aerial hobbyists and was accompanied by a wave of kite attacks across the globe.

Gina Torres, Prophet of All Kites

Gina Torres, the leader of All Kites, appeared in a video announcing the new war.  Ms. Torres’ whereabouts remain unknown at this time though she is suspected of operating out of Serenity Valley.  “Drones are an abomination against the sky and against all aerial hobbies.  We shall not rest until every drone is grounded and the skies are once more filled with kites and balloons.”

Drone operators have begun to report thousands of attacks as they attempt to take selfies of themselves and film their neighbors’ sunbathing trophy wife.  Most of the attacks have consisted of dozens of kites suddenly swarming quadcopters and camera drones.

“Honestly they’re not that troubling,” said one drone operator who spoke under condition of anonymity.  “The strings are pretty easy to cut if you superglue razor blades to the ends of the rotors.  Once we figured out that it was really just a matter of learning to put up with the sounds of children crying because you ruined their kites.  I remember this one bald loser of a kid who just wouldn’t stop.  Eventually I had to promise to hold a football for him while he kicked it.  Then I pulled it away and he fell on his ass!  What a loser!”

Some drone operators have taken to attaching guard dogs to their drones to protect against kite and balloon attacks.

Gina Torres has promised that All Kites will not rest and that this first wave of attacks is only the beginning.  Her organization is already reaching out to other fundamentalist groups in their fight against drones.  “We’ve had our own battles against the hot air balloonists and the Macy’s Parade but we’re going to put that behind us for now.  The unholy scourge of drones must be ended.”  After promising that All Kites would adapt and spread Mrs. Torres had one last chilling promise, “You can’t take the sky from me.”

The Fundamentalist Aerial Hobbyist group ‘All Kites’ launches one of their signature mass attacks.

Where Do the Turtles Go From here?

A week after it opened, 2014’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was deemed a success and given a sequel, which opened last week, taking the top of the weekend’s box office. Having recovered from the previous movie’s many shortcomings, we can’t help but wonder, What’s next for the Turtles? With their gallery of rogues quickly expanding and a deep backlog of baddies from years of comics and cartoons, there’s no shortage of storylines to explore.

 

*SPOILERS AHEAD!  Proceed with CAUTION!!!*

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Harrison Ford Dies Performing Stunt For IJ5; Expected To Recover

Hollywood, Mars – As principal photography began on Steven Spielberg’s latest nostalgia driven cash grab/passion project, Indiana Jone5 and the Hunt for More Money, action star and historical artifact Harrison Ford was apparently killed performing a dangerous stunt for the film.

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The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Feature Films Ranked

Being born in the same great year as our heroes in a half-shell, I have been feeling the turtle power for as far back as I can remember.  TMNT figures ruled my toy chest, the original cartoon series ruled the TV every Saturday morning and I had several trips to see Secret of the Ooze in theaters, even though trips to the movies were rare for me as a child.

But not everyone’s life has been as great as mine.  Some of you might be new to TMNT fandom, so here they are, my ranking of all the TMNT movies to date.  Which, bee tee dubs, is the correct ranking.

#6  Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)

There is very little to like about the first installment of the latest run of TMNT films.  I can appreciate that they tried to go a new way, but my laundry list of complains of why I don’t like this film is seriously a mile long.   The only reason you should watch this movie is to get an understanding of what’s to come in Out of the Shadows.  There is very little to like here.

#5  Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III

Also a pretty lousy TMNT film.  Very disliked by fans and critics alike.  I only rank it slightly above TMNT 2014 because they at least tried to keep it tied to Japan and the turtles mythos.  It also featured the return of Casey Jones.  Plus, the time travel story reminds me of the best video game of all time, Turtles in Time!

#4  The Secret of the Ooze

This was my favorite as a kid.  Lots of laugh, a little brighter than the first film and, of course. Ninja Rap.  Looking back on it now it’s obvious it was rushed and is unintentionally a Gremlins 2: The New Batch, which was purposefully a parody of itself.  It’s still a lot fun though, and thankfully saw the departure of Corey Feldman as Donatello.

#3  Out of the Shadows

The latest film about our lean mean green incredible team just came out today and it was a major step in the right direction from the last Nickelodeon film.  It was a pretty major toss up for me to choose this one for #2 or #3 and what it really came down to is that while being vastly superior to the 2014 film, Out of the Shadows still suffers from a lot of the same pitfalls.  Ugly, bulky turtle design, Megan Fox as April, Tony Shalhoub as Splinter, overblown & unrealistic action scenes, among other things.  OOTS did jump a lot of the hurdles the first film tripped over, but still couldn’t finish the race.

#2  TMNT

 

What’s nice about 2007’s TMNT is that we are entering an established world.  We know who these guys are, we know their story and most of the supporting cast.  So let’s move on to the story.  And a fresh story we haven’t seen before.  A lot of the bad reviews criticized the story and plot as muddled and underdeveloped but I disagree.  I felt it was a breath of fresh air.  And the action and direction were fantastic.  Not overblown, just right.  It brought us so many cool things like Leo in the jungle, Leo fighting Raph as the Nightwatcher (you gotta see who wins), and a film where Karai actually does something!  The supporting cast is filled out by fantastic voice actors while the principal cast of the turtles falls very flat.  And that’s really about my only gripe.  As far as the turtles being animated, this is where they looked their best.  Not too cartoony, but not… grotesque.

#1  Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

As an adult I furthered my fandom beyond the series, the toys and movies into the comics, where it all began.  And that’s why I rate the first film as the best.  It is truest to it’s comic origins, with the story lifted almost straight from some of the earliest issues.  It’s dark and mysterious, while still being humorous.  We get our first look into the world of these fascinating characters (and the origin makes sense!)  We  get the best portrayal and appearance of Casey Jones.  It is the gold standard all the films have been striving for since it was released.   And with as far as CGI has come, the turtle suits still almost look more believable to me.  Plus, Sam Rockwell.

Also, while these are not feature films, I highly recommend watching the animated TV film Turtles Forever and the documentary Turtle Power.  These would have probably ranked after Ooze and before TMNT, perspectively, had they been feature films.

Do you agree with my list?  Disagree?  I don’t care.  Go fight on reddit if you want be a jerk about someone’s personal opinions.