Monologuing As Saruman Increases Productivity, Man Tells His Boss

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Isengard, MI— Monologuing as Saruman, the wizard antagonist from JRR Tolkien’s historical volumes, The Lord of the Rings, can improve productivity at work, at least according to one man. Sherman Temple was approached by his supervisor after he observed Temple ranting and shouting in a rich, theatrical baritone. Concerned Temple had finally snapped or was perhaps possessed by demons, the supervisor calmly slapped Temple with a clipboard. When he came to, Temple explained to his supervisor and the company shrink that he was only quoting the movie, The Two Towers, which features Saruman as the primary antagonist. It was when his supervisor told him to stop quoting movies at work that Temple asserted that monologuing as Saruman Increases his productivity.

“Most of Saruman’s speeches are rallying cries to his minions,” Temple explained. “His words give me the motivation I need to march to Helm’s Deep. I mean, perform my duties at work.”

“I used to do it to keep my mind occupied,” Temple tells TMS, explaining that his job is often boring, tedious, and mundane, much like looking up synonyms. “Now I have to do it as a daily affirmation, to make the sweet release of death less attractive than my job.”

But does it really increase productivity, as Temple claims?

“I have no idea,” admits Temple. “I just said that to get out of a psych eval. If they took this one thing from me, I’d probably burn the place down.”

Despite Temple’s acknowledgment that quoting Saruman doesn’t necessarily improve his productivity, his supervisors have enacted a mandatory Lord of the Rings policy; all employees are required to watch, memorize, and recite the movies as part of a productivity initiative inspired by Temple.

“The movies are on a constant loop in the break room,” says Temple. “I actually look forward to work now.”

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