Trump Destroys Political Correctness By Wishing Everyone A Happy Wookiee Life Day

New York, New York, New York — Savior of the human race and beautiful pasty Adonis Donald Trump once again defended the First Amendment of the Articles of the Confederation by growling “Happy Wookiee Life Day”in its original Wookiese to a crowd of supporters who would have never been offended by it in the first place.

“Liberals don’t even want to acknowledge that the Star Wars Holiday Special even exists,” he told the rippling throngs of exceptionally high BMIs. “To that all I have to say is ‘REEEAAARGH! GRARGLE! GLLLUUUURRRG!’– Excuse me, I mean, ‘Happy Wookiee Life Day!'”

The crowd celebrated by joyously discharging their handguns into the ceiling of the event center, injuring 12, as is their right as Americans.

Here is the video courtesy of YouTube:


Violence Erupts At Trump Rally When Overexcited Supporters Start Punching Each Other In The Face

AMBRIDGE, PA– More trump rally violence as overexcited supporters began punching each other in the face. <Br>

Best Trump rally yet!

“Sometimes, I just punch stuff in the face when I get all riled up,” said Dwight Hoakum, a beet farmer by day and vigilante beet farm protector by night. “Good thing none of my friends or relation have any teeth, anyway.”
Witnesses and participants confirmed that the incident began after Trump gave a particularly “awesome” speech. Supporters became elated with the candidates words and started throwing punches.

May be too graphic for some readers.

“He gave a lot of vague non-answers and avoided most of the issues, but at the end he promised to Make America Great again,” recounted Nel Clark, a semi-retired lunch lady with an affinity for cat sweaters. “When it was over, I was so excited that I hailed off and punched my husband right in the back of the neck. Don’t believe I hit him that hard since that time I caught him with my cousin.”

Violence Erupts At Trump Rally After Millennials Wander In Looking For Pokémon 

Sandown, NH– More violence erupted at another Donald Trump rally when supporters began harassing a group of three Millennials who wandered in playing Pokémon GO. 


Great Moments In Trump Rally Violence

“We were looking for some rare Pokémons across the street,” explained Draydon Murphy, one of the twenty somethings wearing flannel ironically, “but when Mr. Trump’s started speaking, Snorlaxes suddenly began appearing over here.”
“We saw them walk in with their smart phones and skinny jeans and we knew they had ideals separate from our own,” said Asa Jenkins, a Trump supporter and tri-county arm wrestling champion. “So we told them they needed to get out or we’d punch them in their ironic eyewear.”

When the group refused to leave, the attendees began calling them entitled hippies, shoving them and threatening to take their phones. 

Actually, its just a mosh pit. But you couldn’t tell at first, could you?

“We got terrorists committing acts of violence against us in this country on nearly a daily basis” adds Jenkins, “and these kids with their backpacks and their environmentally responsible shoes wander in here, not being like us, it just makes you sick. So we had to show them we don’t stand for those things by intimidating and assaulting them.”

Meanwhile, the three have learned their lesson. “I’ll definitely be more careful in the future. I don’t want to accidentally end up in another Trump rally,” said Murphy. “Unless it’s a really great gym.”

​Treebeard Calls Emergency Entmoot Session To Prevent Shutdown Of Fangorn Forest

Fangorn Forest, Middle-Earth—Entmoot majority leader and speaker Treebeard called an emergency Entmoot Session to prevent the shutdown of Fangorn Forest following continued opposition from Walnut, Hazelnut, and Chestnut Ents who accuse Treebeard of being fiscally irresponsible during the reclamation of Isengard.

McBranchFace is unattractive, even among Ents.

Walnut minority leader, Branchy McBranchFace, claims Treebeard, who inherited a deep recession during the reign of Saruman, has spent too many of Fangorn’s scant resources into rebuilding Isengard, allowed too many undocumented Huorn tree spirits into the Forest, and cut too deeply into defense spending when the power vacuum left by Sauron’s defeat could give rise to a new power to threaten Middle-Earth.
“These… claims… are… unfounded.” Treebeard responded, eventually. “You… can’t… trust… these… guys… they’re… nuts.”

This is Treebeard, right?

Together, with fellow Ent representatives Douglas Fir, Elmer Beechum, and Groot, Treebeard hopes to keep Fangorn operating, even if it means deep concessions, perhaps from the concession stand. 
“It… takes… a… long… time…”

Whatever Treebeard, we stopped listening.

Another Ent.

In depth analysis reveals that Treebeard spent less on the reclamation of Isengard than the entire fiscal budget of Mirkwood for that same year, all while keeping the tax rate the same and creating thousands of jobs for displaced Huorns. Additionally, in the 6000 years since the fall of Barad-dur, the “power vacuum” has remained that, as Mordor sits empty, its property value nearly nonexistent, most business boarded up, and the remaining Orcs seeking employment elsewhere. Despite these demonstrable facts, McBranchFace is adamant that Fangorn cannot continue operating under its current budget and Treebeard needs to be held responsible.

“It’s safe to say Treebeard has let the Ents down, not just in Fangorn but in all of Middle-Earth,” groaned McBranchFace. “Saruman was an entrepreneur that Treebeard sought to oppress with restrictive regulations and eventually overthrow. Now under his reign, we are worse off than under the powers of Mordor.”

The Special Session Entmoot will begin next Monday, opening remarks should last 5 years, and continue for another 20 years before their next session is scheduled.

Geekinomicon Cosplay Picks

Over Labor Day I had the opportunity to attend the first ever Geekinomicon in Oklahoma City. Here are your cosplay candidates courtesy of DC Marvel League, photo by Squirrelly Jedi Photography. These lovely folks comprised a large portion of the cosplayers there on Saturday when this was taken, many of them belonging to other charity costuming groups as well.


Tumps: I have to recuse myself. I have had the honor of being a member of the League for a few months now, and you couldn’t ask for a better bunch of heroes (and villains). While I have my personal favorites, they are mostly based on my interactions with those people and do not reflect the quality or time the others have put into their costumes. It would be unfair to everyone for me to choose.

Josh:  I choose Batman.  Because Batman.  Which Batman?… maybe you’ll never know!  Just kidding, I just wanted to confuse you for a second.  And while Batman is among my favorite heroes (and any Knightmare Batman will be among my favorite cosplays) I have to tip my hat to Scarecrow and Dr Doom.  Once again I am a sap for costumes you just don’t see very much.  Both appear to have taken a lot of craftmanship but Dr Doom brings it up a notch having to do the metal.  I choose you, Dr Doomachu.

Dustin:  First, I got to say that this is a great group shot.  I love how diverse the costumes are though it could certainly use some more Cyclops.  There is never enough Cyclops cosplay.  I would choose Cyclops as the winner even if the cosplayer had done nothing more than put on a pair of red-tinted sunglasses.  But, alas, there is no Cyclops.  So I’ll go with the runner-up: Dr. Doom.  Because that’s pretty legit costuming right there.

Joey: Hank McCoy/Beast. That guy painted himself blue da bu dee da bu die.

Newest Survivor Cast Bands Together to Raid Production Camp for Food, Clothing, Medicine, and the Scalps of their Enemies

Survivor Island, Just off the northbound turnpike past the old barn with the horse tied up to that tree where the lightning struck twelve years ago, you can’t miss it — The contestants of the most recent season of Survivor have taken a surprising tactic.  Though set up as a generational conflict between Millennial contestants and contestants of the generation which destroyed the American economy, both “tribes” have actually found ways to work together.  After weeks of being put through the traditional tortures, tests, and ritualized sacrifices, the contestants formed  a single uber-tribe and attacked the nearby production camp.  There they found a treasure trove of food, water, medicine, clothing, and other basics goods made by civilization.   Continue reading